Gwar’s prime directive may be to eradicate this measly piece-of-shit planet we call Earth, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t looking to carpet-bomb the masses with their intergalactic seed in the meantime. Even Scumdogs need love—at least for one to three minutes at a time—and we’re lucky enough to have caught Balsac the Jaws of Death, Blöthar the Berserker, and Jizmak Da Gusha at the start of their mating ritual, eagerly awaiting the arrival of their future other (dark) halves for a romantic dinner at a posh French bistro. This rare peek at the softer side of these tyrants might cast them in an uncharacteristic light, but don’t worry: The photographer was beheaded and defiled immediately after getting the shot. R.I.P.

This article appeared in the Winter 2022 edition of CREEM. Explore the entire issue in our archive, buy a copy, and subscribe for more.