LOVE Is ths DRUG

So you've decided suicide is a much too permanent solution, what do you do, then? Why, the next best thing of course...you go out and. try' to get laid in Detroit!

The first time I tried I mean really and truly tired was back in high school. Football season had just ended and all the bouncy little cheerleaders were no longer cheering for my amorous. ^^®yMf?^®cause with basl^^H^^^on starting, the basketball players had to have their turn. During football season I was fortunate to be without want not because I was cool or good-looking but because unlike several mates, who games singlehandedly. I was the only one lucky enough to actually lose a game singlehandedly. Looking back, this achievement probably had the analogous appeal of James Dean's Rebel — well, I wasn't exactly a rebel but I was certainly a center without a cause. But now that the girls' attention had shifted from hikes to hoops, I found myself lonely and bored STIFF, so to speak. My friends and I piled into someone's father's car 4nd tooled dpwn Woodward Avenue in search of relief. Shouting, "We want women, WE WANT WOMEN!", we scrambled out of the car with such tremendous bulges in our pants that the pimp who was to rob us in front of the adult movie theatre probably anticipated a very profitable haul. Unfortunately for everyone concerned, the pimp got $9.00 and one badly crumpled condom (between the five Of us) and we kept possession of the bulges. The days of high school frustration passed as quickly as pimples, and I looked forward to the non-vicarious rewards of age.