BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Saturday night! Time to have a good time, and tonight we're going to do it with a vengeance: Take our place in the — no, not singles bars. Tonight we're going to a few lesser-known venues. If you don't know where they are, you'll never find them, and chances are you don't belong there anyway.

Mind you, going out on the gay circuit requires finesse. There is a school of thought that believes in going directly for the jugular when it comes to laughs, but personally I like to save the most intoxicating thrill for last. Some people wait until 11 o'clock and go directly to the hot spot. How boring.

Almost every part of town will have a bar that is considered an "opener"; a bar that you would go to, to get the full of the evening — have a couple of drinks, do some shadow sliding, crotch gazing, and/or sleight of hand.

Opener bars usually provide a capsule view of what the tone of the evening is going to be. There is one centrally located in case you don't care for the provincialism of an East or West-side