Okay, now what is going on here? Only 12 months ago, the following phone conversation with CREEM’s Fearless Leader took place:

Fearless Leader: (shouting over hysterical laughter in office) Hey man, we have to ship ’em out in about a half hour and we need a cover. How about doing a story on whether Heavy Metal is dead or not?

Stupid Rick: Heavy what?

FL: Metal, metal You know, like (imitates sound of cinderblock hurricane striking local petting zoo at lunchtime).

SR: Oh, I thought you said heavy mental. FL: No, don’t worry!

Don’t worry, hall In Biz Jargon, this is what’s known as “buying a ticket to the sailboat races.” Stupid Rick proceeds to declare Heavy Metal dead, buried and forgotten. All gone. Never happened.

Rotting corpses, dinosaur poop, etc. Hey—after watching ten zillion rivetheads go ga-ga over Led Zep’s glorified garbage bag, you would have too.