HOME: 55th and Euclid.

AGE: Advanced Mondo Canine.

PROFESSION: Showing people what that aperture is for.

HOBBIES: Red leather jacket prophecies; fingerless glove-love; reading Cat World; bunny hat haute couture; Iggy fetishisms; wrestling with Desi Arnaz.

LAST BOOK READ: Lucrative Alternatives To Rock Criticism by Bob Geldof.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Completed Mick Jagger’s correspondence course in lyric-mumbling.

QUOTE: “Who wants to wear pink suits, anyway?”

PROFILE: Alchemizing pocket brass into gold, the Pretenders have stopped sobbing worldwide with Fender-bending and soulful bittersweet vocalizing; ignoring gross sexual sign language from a salivating audience, Chrissie Hynde and group blast across the face of this earth with the fortitude of an army and four Space Invader machines.

BEER: Boy Howdy!