THE PRETENDERS Learning To Crawl (Sire)

by Joe (void where prohibited by law) Fernbacher

I can't help myself—I am all aboil with excitement as I approach this review of the new Pretenders LP, Learning To Crauol. See Joe approach the review. Approach the review, Joe. See Joe run away from the review. Run away, Joe. See Joe go and approach that golden-tressed, loosely dressed girl waiting there at the bus stop. Go steal her bus pass, Joe, go moles... See Joe go to a liquor store. See Joe go to a movie. See Joe trying to get away from this review. See the bus almost coming. Out damn review, out!!!!

For some reason, I really wanted to write about this record, but now that it's here, I don't for the life of me remember why. It might have had something to do with the fact that 'Middle Of The Road' is, uncategorically, the most engaging song I've heard on the radio since they played the Tubes' 'Talk To Ya Later' to death.