RECORDS
BON JOVI Slippery When Wet (Mercury) Poor Jon Bon Jovi tries so hard to play the tough hetero rock guy, but invariably comes out sounding like he’d be more comfortable helping mom with the dishes. For three straight albums now, Mr. Jovi (you can call him Bon) and his namesake Jovi ensemble have turned out soullessly efficient medium-heavy productrecords so startlingly unambitious, so completely oblivious to the qualities necessary for good rock ’n’ roll, that, aside from the occasional medium-lewd sexual reference, they could have been blueprinted by the PMRC as models for safe under-18 consumption.
RECORDS
FRANCHISING FLIPPER
BON JOVI
Slippery When Wet
(Mercury)
Poor Jon Bon Jovi tries so hard to play the tough hetero rock guy, but invariably comes out sounding like he’d be more comfortable helping mom with the dishes.
For three straight albums now, Mr. Jovi (you can call him Bon) and his namesake Jovi ensemble have turned out soullessly efficient medium-heavy productrecords so startlingly unambitious, so completely oblivious to the qualities necessary for good rock ’n’ roll, that, aside from the occasional medium-lewd sexual reference, they could have been blueprinted by the PMRC as models for safe under-18 consumption.
The rock medium can be used to express all manner of important ideas, but Bon Jovi’s rock expresses nothing headier than the group’s own vanity and petty lust for stardom, offering only vague notions of a good time in return for their bamboozled fans’ allowance bucks. Hunky bozo Jon-Bon makes all the usual noises about rockin’ the night away and takin’ his baby away from this mean ol’ town, but in reality he’s as docile as Punky Brewster, and all the more sinister because of his attempts to sell himself as rebellious rockin’ dude.