NAMES: Brian Cook, Mike Sullivan, Dave Turncrantz.

AGE: Here’s a hint—their old band was Soviet Union Circles.

FROM: Chicago or L.A. or Seattle or wherever the local riff factory is.

OCCUPATION: Smashing seafood towers, testing the limits of loop pedals, looking good in expensive Japanese denim.

HOBBIES: Trying to find Moscow on a globe without cheating.

LAST BOOK YOU READ: The violent climaxes of every Cormac McCarthy tome on audiobook, steadily increasing in volume.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Tuning a string so low that it briefly opened a portal to hell.

QUOTE: What quote? What part of “instrumental” don’t you understand?