You know, there was a time when you either just got a cheeseburger or a hamburger. Sure, you could do a double or add pickles or bacon or lettuce or mayo, but that was about it. No tavern-style burgers or smash burgers, and you sure as fuck weren’t getting Brie or truffles or a pretzel bun or pulled pork on it, that would be totally insane. And these two-pound burger challenges? Fuck you, respectfully. Of course now the world is at our feet, and I’ve heard of glazed doughnuts or fried Twinkies as a bun, mac and cheese or sesame chicken as a topping, and even deconstructed burgers that are basically just piles of shit on a plate. All of the choices and knowing what’s new and great versus what’s shit can be confusing! Thank God for the latest edition of Crème de la CREEM.

CARDINALS